Well gang, it’s time for our “Pond Scum of the Month” feature. This month the prestigious award goes to “Spaceinvaderite Squeezeameoba”, or SISA for short. This pest usually inhabits small bodies of water and is very mobile.
SISA remains inconspicuous until he is ready to strike. However, when he does strike, he moves with the agility of a snake and is just as quick to pounce on his perceived victim.
The Worst Kind Of Parasite
Spaceinvaderite is basically parasitical in nature. He chooses, like the grasshopper in the old story of the ant and the grasshopper, to live off of the fruits of another’s labor. Let’s set up the typical situation that brings out SISA. You’re having a good time fishing at some lake or river, just minding your own business, pounding the shore and picking up fish regularly. You hook up, fight and land another one, when out of the blue, he appears.
He approaches you, complements you on the fish that you just landed and proceeds to throw his bait out close to where your last cast was. What you don’t know is that he has been watching you, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.
You release your fish, cast again, hook-up again and start reeling in. With that SISA quickly brings in his bait and gets right next to you. When you lip your fish and your attention is diverted, he throws out right where you just were! At this point, he is no more than a couple of feet from you, talking the entire time, telling you how his day is going!
But don’t fear folks, we’re here to help. We have developed several easy methods for destroying this species. You do have to keep in mind as we go through this that there are some strains of Spaceinvaderite Squeezeameoba that are more hearty than others. With that in mind, let’s start with the easiest method first.
The Gross Out Method
As soon as SISA throws his lure into your spot, release your fish and if at all possible, release your “inner pest control.” Depending on what you had for dinner the day before or possibly breakfast that day, this can be an effective way getting rid of some strains. However, if the only response you get from SISA is something like,”Hey, that’s impressive!”, than you know you’re got to get more creative.
What I like to do at this point is to hack and cough a bit followed by engaging SISA in a conversation about this horrible communicative disease that I picked up on my last flight. The important thing to remember about this method is that it is most effective if used while you are retrieving your lure.
The reason is simple, you have both hands on your rod so when you hack and hork, don’t cover your mouth and make sure that you do it in his direction. In my experience with SISA, he’s only a couple of feet from you so to sneeze in his ear point blank can get his attention.
The Direct Approach
Now if this doesn’t work, you’ll have to move onto even more serious treatment options. The next one that I like to try is to wait for him to cast. Then you simply cross his line. This method is a lot like novocaine in that if you stick with it, eventually it will work. I have, on rare occasion, had to do this about a half a dozen times for SISA to get the message and move on. Sadly, there are those rare strains of Spaceinvaderite Squeezeameoba that can resist even this.
I don’t really understand why these super SISA exist. You would think that after having gone through all of this, it would be easier for him to just move and try his luck elsewhere. I suppose that in his feeble mind, he just believes so strongly that fishing, like real estate, is all about three things.
Location, location, location! And this is the mantra that he will live or die by, completely ignoring every other variable that goes into the ultimate presentation that gets the fish to bite. All he really knows is that you caught some fish there so his best chance by far is to fish precisely where you fish. It never enters his limited intellect that he may not be using or doing anything close to what you are, only location means anything!
So for super Spaceinvaderite Squeezeameoba, this is the method that I have found virtually fool proof. What you do is to continue to fish where you were. It’s important to not give him an inch. This shows weakness and weakness is not an option!
Hook a fish while SISA has his line in the water right next to yours and while fighting the fish, give it some room to run, steer the fish across SISA’s line and then make sure to horse your fish in enough to cross his line. From there, allow your fish to run some more so that SISA’s line gets really entangled with yours. When you land your fish, be very quick with the scissors or clippers or whatever you choose and start systematically cutting his line several times. After all, you can’t cut yours or you’ll lose the fish. Continue cutting until you have made your way to SISA’s lure, make your final cut and allow his lure to float, or sink, on it’s own.
This usually will draw an expletive from Spaceinvaderite but you’ve got to let that one just roll off your back. He is now complaining about having to go back to his vehicle to get another bait or something like that. Pay no mind and just make another cast. Wish him a pleasant day and luck fishing. That’s how to handle Spaceinvaderite Squeezeameoba!
See ya’ on the water …